Over the next couple of days I need to come to a decision about the direction of my breast cancer treatment. After the mastectomy I went through 4 rounds of chemo. After the chemo, blood tests were done, including for hormone levels, and I was put on Tamoxifen. I didn’t do well on that — one of the side effects is mood swings, except my moods went one way, bad. I literally almost punched one of my boys for something totally idiotic. Eldest son was present and stopped me and also made me call the oncologist. I went off the Tamoxifen immediately.
Then some more blood tests were run, one of which was to determine if I was in permanent menopause. The blood test showed that I was. And then I was put on Arimidex, an aromatase inhibitor. But, I didn’t do well on Arimidex, the joint pain was unbearable, and accompanied by constant nausea, and dizziness.
I was told to stop Arimidex and started Aromasin, another aromatase inhibitor. Life on Aromasin wasn’t too bad, until I had a break-through menstral cycle. Blood tests for hormone levels were done again, still showing I was still in permanent menopause. However, to be on the safe side, the onc decided I should also get a shot of zoladex once every three months. Between the zoladex and aromasin, I got double-whammied. Both have side-effects of loss of bone density, weight gain, constipation, and a slew of other things. Those three things effect me personally, the most, while there were other side effects that were more easily ignored.
And then came the onset of osteo-arthritis a few months ago. The pain in my fingers was horrific, and the onc took me off of Aromasin. Because I was not going to take the Aromasin, he also stopped the zoladex. Within two weeks of stopping the zoladex, I lost 10 pounds. We waited six weeks and drew a a whole bunch of blood, enough that I swear I left the onc’s office anemic. This time, my ovaries have decided to kick back in, resulting in the decision I must now make.
My choices, according to my onc, are limited. His recommendation is a monthly shot of zoladex (as opposed to the previous once every three month shot) or an oophorectomy. A shot where the benefits don’t necessarily outweigh the risks ( in my opinion) or surgery.
The really weird thing about this, so far, is my onc’s reaction when I asked him if there was an alternative to taking the zoladex.
“You’re young, do you REALLY want to consider removing your ovaries,” he asked. The emphasis was on “really.”
I really didn’t take this as a question, though. It sounded more like an admonishment. Maybe, I thought, I was just being overly sensitive. But, then I remembered he said something similar when explaining to me and the husband that the chemo gave me a 60% chance of going into permanent menopause, and I exclaimed, “Please, let me be in that 60%!” (I taped all my initial doctors appointments when I was first being treated for bc, just in case I missed anything. The nice thing is that I can go back over them.) At the time, he responded, “But you’re still young, you can have more children.”
The fact is, my youngest child is 19 years old. I have absolutely no desire, whatsoever, to have another child. The bottom line is, I’m battling breast cancer, I’m not a baby machine, and I’m not trying to find ways to have more children. While my onc is usually pretty good, on this issue he leaves a lot to be desired.
However, the paradox of breast cancer treatment is not being lost on me. Mutilation, otherwise known as mastectomy (which I opted for based on the spread of the tumor), followed by reconstructive surgery (which I opted not to have), is an assault on a woman’s body (even though the disease made the initial assault), and specifically her reproductive system, that has not changed in the last century, regardless of all the breakthroughs the media reports. Surgeons mutilate the breast, and then when a prophylactic oophorectomy is an option, are admonishing women for not bearing more children and for putting their own health first.
All I want to do is scream. Which option is best for MY body? Which option is best for MY lifestyle? Which option will give ME the best odds for a longer life? These are the questions onc’s and doctors should be putting forth when discussion treatment options, not an admonishment related to bearing more children.
Yet, I find that I’m left alone to recognize and contemplate these questions, and make a decision in the next two days.
*hug*
Sorry, I can’t think of a damn thing to say that would actually be helpful, but I wanted to show support. It is a crappy decision to have to make, and clearly just the latest in a string of crappy decisions that had to be made.
Thanks so much, ShortWoman. I don’t know that I’m as upset about making this sort of decision as I am about it being linked to a “produce more babies” attitude. It’s something that’s been building up over the past couple of weeks, as the onc appointment gets closer.
I guess this really should have been titled a rant.
I also have cancer, but its Chronic Lymphatic Leukemia which is the one to have if you have to have one. It won’t kill you. It lowers your immune system so something else can kill you.
I think you have a no brainer here. Take care of yourself. You’ve done your “duty” to pump out puppies and now its your turn.
My wish is for full recover with a minimum of pain. Take care, dear.
Sympathetic, thanks. I will take care of myself. Boy, I have to say it felt good to get that off my chest, so to speak.
No one should be getting cancer, and if we do, it really should be curable. Not curable in the sense we have now.
I don’t know much about Chronic Lymphatic Leukemia, but it seems that you don’t have many options either. I hope you are taking you’re own advice and caring for yourself, too.
You need another opinion. I just met a good Knoxville doctor if you want to respond to me personally.
Along that line, when I see a Covenant truck that has “it’s a child, not a choice,” I always want to respond, “it’s a woman, not an incubator.
Hang in there.
those Covenant trucks and the license tags drive me nuts. Total disregard for a woman’s life.
You’re comment got me thinking that going back on the zoladex is another way for the onc’s office (onc is part of a group) to bring in more money — raping the insurance industry and me at the same time, so to speak. Harsh words, but appropriate.
You’ve prompted me to call a friend, who is a cancer specialist (with a different group from my onc) and who also knows my case. I’ll see what he thinks tonight.
One upside to doing the surgery, I’ll be home for a few weeks and can devote more time to the blog.
[...] Health, Science by archcrone So, I’ve been just a little bit distracted, as yesterday was onc day. This time there was no mention of surgery, the options became treatment or no treatment. First we [...]